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Horse humor

Horse humor – add jokes for us all to enjoy

Pro Equine Grooms did a fun feature (apparently four years ago, but I just saw the repost recently) with a starter question “What’s your best bad joke about horses?” Liv Gude offered her horse  humor – “A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says ‘why the long face’?”. What resulted were some hilarious replies to the challenge. Below are two of my favorites.

Provided by Vickie Bullock Cozzens

Champion Jockey on a New Horse

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me–it’s this bloody horse. What is he–deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf–he’s BLIND!”

Horse Jumping Joke

QUESTION: Why can horses jump so high?

Find horse humor, young horse training tips and more at http://HorseSenseAndCents.comANSWER: They have frogs in their feet.

I’ll jump in the ring

I suppose, although Liv did say “bad horse jokes”, since the one she provided didn’t do much for me, I should offer the lamest one I could find for you all to complain about.

QUESTION: What did the horse say when it fell?

ANSWER: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!” Source

BUT – if you really want to smile, revisit this oldie but goodie (still haven’t found a source for this hilarious in its truths translation list for horse seller terms) Horse Sense and Cents Humor post.

Will you join the horse humor herd?

How about you? Have any horse jokes you’d like to share? Please help get the laughter galloping along in the comments below. Let’s have some fun with this. I’ll find another horse humor tidbit to share to for each one provided in the comments. Also, please consider sharing this blog post (easy clickable icons to the left) to get your friends playing along too (tag them if you’re feeling Alpha ;-)).

Having fun with horse blogs and video

Popular horse blogs and successful equine industry businesses are incorporating video into their marketing mix. Early this year I set a goal to learn more on this front and make it a regular component of the Horse Sense and Cents blog. I haven’t quite figured out how to incorporate this into the copy writing/marketing site and blog, but I will.

Perhaps a bit behind the times with the normal crowd, but ahead of many in the horse industry, video capture, resource discernment and editing are skills goals I’ve set for mastery this year (OK, probably more like passable familiarity). As result, I’ve been playing with a number of of tools and approaches in a quest to make video a big part of strategic marketing activities in the latter part of this year and more professionally so in years to come. Of course, I’m also looking for ways to entertain those long-standing readers of this blog, as well as others who come to visit seeking free information.

Recently, I discovered GoAnimate.com. It’s free for some stuff, with paid upgrades for more enhanced features. This is best when offering humorous messages (most of us have seen the vet vs. horse owner dialog – I believe this one was created on Xtranormal, but found the process there more challenging with a lot of hidden fees). But, if you can craft something that gets people nodding and smiling with a bit of a marketing message somewhere, it’s a fun way to make a point.

This evening, I took a first stab as I learned how this system works (it’s pretty easy). Here’s what I ‘produced’ in about an hour (the learning curve was a factor here, as was the copy writing – I had no idea where I would go with this when I entered the site so wasn’t working from a script):

 

FulcrumCom’s Animation by FulcrumCom on GoAnimate

Animated Presentations – Powered by GoAnimate.

Frankly, my plan was to do something hilarious with no marketing aspect to the piece, but I’m not feeling particularly brilliant tonight after an exhausting day and long week. Regardless, I figured a lot of readers could have fun with this resource for personal, business, cause or just plain laughable moments.

Please share in the comments below what you think of this video, links to films you’ve created with this tool and ideas for a future commentary that could be fun for all. Give me an idea and I’d be happy to run with it. After 43 years of riding, with a good chunk of that time witnessing some of the stranger than fiction things that go on in the horse industry, I have a lot to draw from.

Thanks for being such a great group of devoted readers!

Horse wishes for the holidays

  1. My two front teeth back
  2. Horses that view shelter as their pristine palace and don’t hold it in then deposit with pride the moment they enter their stall or shed
  3. A sawdust pitchfork that doesn’t break on the first stall a horse care farm hand tackles (the same one that held a year prior to ‘his touch’)
  4. Time for mud to dry and be leveled before the next deep freeze
  5. Snow drifts that are satisfied with a height below chest level
  6. A winter without 30-40 mph hour gusts and 20 mph sustained winds sweeping across the pastures
  7. Fence posts that don’t wait until the ground is frozen solid to crack in two
  8. Ice-free ground for routes to pastures, barns and training areas (please repel ice from training areas as well)
  9. Hydrants that don’t crap out the moment it’s too difficult to dig through the ground for a fix
  10. A young horse training trick to teach Leah that has her cleaning out her hoof before she crashes it through the water trough
  11. Gloves you can work and ride in that actually keep your hands warm
  12. Boots that repel water and snow moisture that don’t have your feet numb after ten minutes of standing
  13. The secret to keeping warm while holding horses for the farrier
  14. Sunny days that don’t turn snow to ice
  15. A tractor that starts when it’s cold and needed to lend a hand
  16. Double-ended snaps that don’t require bare-hand warmth to function as designed
  17. Uninterrupted electricity throughout the winter to power the well
  18. More training clients who are happy to include the horse in the conversation when it comes to activities and results
  19. No more than 100 inches of snow
  20. Hoses that don’t freeze
  21. Furry coats that repel rather than absorb dirt
  22. An early, temperate and long spring

Of course, this is a greedy list for one, but bet I there are more than twenty-one people who are wishing for the same as winter attacks (sans the Leah request, of course). How about we each ask for one and suggest Santa share the gifts with all? What do you all think? Have more to add? It shouldn’t be hard to find additional supporters to spread the spirit if you want to add to the list. Yep, this is a bit of horse humor, but imagine the answers may be among readers of his blog.Please offer your deepest desire in the comments below as it relates to horses and we’ll see if we can’t build some Santa support (and will probably get some good advice from the readers with ideas to help make our wishes come true).

Many of you have been asking for this (particularly overseas, although we do have distributors in the UK and EU), and I’ve been remiss in not announcing this earlier – sorry. The Turning Challenging Horses Into Willing Partners book is available as a Kindle edition for $9.95. It’s a great Christmas gift for the horse lover in your life if you’re a last-minute shopper.

Horses (and the dumb things people do with them) will make you laugh

If you’re not chuckling about dumb things you’ve done with horses or humorous equine behavior, you’re taking life too seriously. The cast of characters at Halcyon Acres is good for laughs every day. Fortunately, some of the ugly mistakes we make in learning turn to humorous memories over time too.

Horse herd antics will have you shaking your head

There’s always something going on at the farm that serves to straighten out my wrong thinking when it comes to horse sense.

Leah the ice queen

There’s a yearling Irish Draught Sport Horse at Halcyon Acres that I noticed is the main event at the water trough. In the early mornings on particularly cold nights, the herd gathers waiting for her before I appear.  Upon her arrival, the gang parts for her to approach the 100-gallon tub. She’ll lift a front leg over the edge and send it crashing down onto the frozen top layer of water, making easy access for everyone else to quench their thirst. It’s funny how all the older horses wait for this clever young filly to fix their dilemma.

Shelter from onlookers

Recently, we added a number of run-in sheds to the pastures at Halcyon Acres. With a quick and brutal onset to winter and ten of the farm horses relegated to outdoor living, we were feeling guilty about some of the herd being denied access by a couple of bossy mares. Of course, a week after we pulled out the credit card for the building order, the herd decided it was too cold to put up with the posturing and kicked the aggressors out of the gang (and the provided shelter).  It seemed the majority, too, felt the harshness of winter and decided to do something smart about it.

Between the time the sheds were ordered and the buildings arrived, the herd found a spot in the pasture that provided great shelter from the wind and decent protection from driving rain and snow. That’s where they tend to hang when they’re not devouring massive amounts of hay. There have been a couple of mornings when the wind is fierce and the temperatures low that all horses are enjoying the comfort inside the run-ins. Most days, though, a number of herd members have decided these new additions to their living quarters are an ideal lavatory. I’m getting ready to hang signs to re-label all the run-ins ‘outhouses.’

Horses and kids can be a scary combination

A few weeks after I started in a lesson program (I was five), the instructor decided I no longer needed the security and safety of Sam, their former circus performer. Sam was a gem. He focused entirely on the instructor, knew voice commands and was as kind as they come. Pure white and talented, this critter could carry the most ill-equipped rider (in fact, I lost him as my promised first show mount to a handicapped child who won the class) and make it look like they were calling the shots. I placed second on Popsey that day, but hated her from the start. Soon after she replaced Sam as my lesson mount, she unloaded me (I don’t recall how, but it probably didn’t take much). I was hopping mad about my first dump and went running after her to catch her and remount. That day I learned that horses kick. For weeks, I had a hoof imprint on my cheek, shoe nails discernable. At the time, I wasn’t very happy about the experience, but laugh now and feel gratified for learning a hard lesson so early, relatively unscathed, that I will never forget. Somehow, I imagine the instructor was probably shouting to discourage me from my actions, but imagine I was too hot to hear him.

The things we kids did with our ponies could comprise a book of potential disaster stories and make the Thelwell scenarios seem tame (remember these? http://www.google.com/images?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&hl=en&q=thelwell&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=3V0wTcmsPMnZgQfDmrjCCw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CCYQsAQwAA&biw=1600&bih=707). Fortunately, we all survived. Often, I’m saddened that kids are so sheltered and protected today that they can’t learn from bonding with their horse unfettered. Frankly, it’s amazing we didn’t spend months in the hospital (or jailed), but the dumb things we did taught us valuable life lessons and created a sacred trust with our mounts that can’t be fully understood through words. When there’s no fear, there’s lesser risk. It’s amazing how horses do so much to protect those who don’t take care of themselves. Do you have stories to share of how your horse took care of you? Please do in the comments below.

Adults should know better

I follow a number of horse related Google alerts, and rarely do much more than scan. But Ben Muessig caught my eye with his clever lead-in to an article about a couple of drunken cowboys riding through Austin, TX streets.

“You can lead a horseback-riding cowboy to a watering hole, but you can’t make him drink responsibly. Police in Austin, Texas, arrested two men on charges of drunken driving after they allegedly blocked traffic on East Sixth Street while riding a horse and a mule.”  His lead-in is funnier than the event, but if you want to get the full story, it’s here <http://www.aolnews.com/2011/01/13/austin-police-drunk-cowboys-arrested-on-horse-and-donkey/>

Top Ten signs your horse has driven you to madness

10. You spend more on your horse than you do on your kids

9. Mud and manure on your clothing are considered, in your mind, a cute accessory

8. You love to cuddle with your horse and resent all the clean up time required for your spouse

7. Your instructor, your family and your dogs are afraid of your horse, but you continue to defend him as you’re brushing dirt off your backside, treating bite and kick wounds and focusing on tomorrow’s plan to “reach” him

6. Dates for your wedding are selected by choosing months that present the least favorable riding conditions

5. Finding and buying quality hay takes more time and money than what you choose to eat and what you spend on yourself for the year

4. You collaborate with your horse and bite and kick at your peers

3. Time is always scheduled for horse care, but seldom available for vacations or social time

2. You’re too exhausted at the end of the day to carry on a conversation, but can still summon the energy to ride

And the number sign your horse has driven you to madness:

1. He watches you chuckling as you jump the course, do the tricks, demonstrate the lesson and perform for his education as he’s entertained by your compliance.