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Horse Humor

Horse humor – add jokes for us all to enjoy

Pro Equine Grooms did a fun feature (apparently four years ago, but I just saw the repost recently) with a starter question “What’s your best bad joke about horses?” Liv Gude offered her horse  humor – “A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says ‘why the long face’?”. What resulted were some hilarious replies to the challenge. Below are two of my favorites.

Provided by Vickie Bullock Cozzens

Champion Jockey on a New Horse

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, ‘ALLLLEEE OOOP!’ really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens–the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me–it’s this bloody horse. What is he–deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? He’s not deaf–he’s BLIND!”

Horse Jumping Joke

QUESTION: Why can horses jump so high?

Find horse humor, young horse training tips and more at http://HorseSenseAndCents.comANSWER: They have frogs in their feet.

I’ll jump in the ring

I suppose, although Liv did say “bad horse jokes”, since the one she provided didn’t do much for me, I should offer the lamest one I could find for you all to complain about.

QUESTION: What did the horse say when it fell?

ANSWER: “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!” Source

BUT – if you really want to smile, revisit this oldie but goodie (still haven’t found a source for this hilarious in its truths translation list for horse seller terms) Horse Sense and Cents Humor post.

Will you join the horse humor herd?

How about you? Have any horse jokes you’d like to share? Please help get the laughter galloping along in the comments below. Let’s have some fun with this. I’ll find another horse humor tidbit to share to for each one provided in the comments. Also, please consider sharing this blog post (easy clickable icons to the left) to get your friends playing along too (tag them if you’re feeling Alpha ;-)).

Triple Crown Trivia

Sure, this year’s Triple Crown is old news for most, but I’m not quite ready to let go of a victory that was 37 years in the making. So, if you’re in the mood to let this high continue, you’ll enjoy the bit of fun history below.

Honestly, after so many disappointments, I didn’t see American Pharoah as a contender. With stud rights sold to ensure his racing career will end at the tender age of 3, the finish line fades before time might test what he’s really made of. Still, Affirmed was the last in 1978 that compared. That’s impressive enough.

The Wall Street Journal posted a great video comparison of American Pharoah and Secretariat (admittedly a freak) traversing the Belmont 1 ½ mile course (spoiler alert – Secretariat beat him by more than two seconds – about 31 lengths – the distance between Secretariat and the trailing rest of the field in 1973).

American Pharoah and Triple Crown Trivia at Horse Sense and Cents
Remember the thunderstorm downpour that caused questions about whether this race would run?

But a time comparison isn’t entirely fair.

If you’ve been around race horses long enough, you realize some only try as hard as they must for victory. Frankly, those that win by a nose or a neck or a length are usually better over time. They save themselves from undo strain and associated injury that seems to plague most of the leave the pack in the dust crew. They’re smart and cagey – and know where the finish line is.

A lot has changed since the 70s in US Thoroughbred racing – most notably, conformation. We’ll never see another Secretariat – at least not one bred in this country. Today’s Thoroughbred industry places little regard on what makes a horse sturdy and sane. Borne from bloodlines as a singular focus for most breeders (and the Jockey Club), racing has developed as a sport now dominated by deep pockets with few owners handling or riding the horses they buy. Witnessing a feat most came to believe was unlikely again is truly remarkable when fighting against such added odds.

It’s wonderful to have a Triple Crown winner this year that not only held up to the grueling demands, but also boasts such a playful and kind personality that it was possible to include him in the TV network interviews the following morning.

Upset earned a place in racing history vernacular vs. Man o’ War

Scott Pitoniak scribed a history-rich column in the Rochester Business Journal on June 5th, written from one with little connection to racing (well done) who seemed to have a lot of fun learning from research for the article content. He notes “Speaking of upset, the word wasn’t part of the sports lexicon until a horse named Upset scored a stunning victory versus Man o’ War in 1919, also in Saratoga. Before that time, the definition of the word meant angry or aggravated. But thanks to Upset, the definition of upset expanded, and is now ubiquitous in the sports world.”

Scott also references Zippy Chippy in this article (it’s a fun read), a horse owned by a sly trainer I used to gallop for who was better at marketing than producing winners. Felix made Zippy Chippy famous for losing.

Triple Crown Winners revisited

If you’re looking for a great video synopsis of Triple Crown winners (thanks Anita Lequoia for the find), enjoy about 3 minutes of history in film.

Triple Crown Winners – the list

Honed your memory yet to recall the twelve that conquered the Triple Crown field? Here’s an easy reference list in case you haven’t and still want to make it so:

1919 Sir Barton John Loftus H. G. Bedwell J. K. L. Ross
1930 Gallant Fox Earl Sande James Fitzsimmons Belair Stud
1935 Omaha William Saunders James Fitzsimmons Belair Stud
1937 War Admiral Charley Kurtsinger George Conway Samuel D. Riddle
1941 Whirlaway Eddie Arcaro Ben A. Jones Calumet Farm
1943 Count Fleet John Longden Don Cameron Mrs. J. D. Hertz
1946 Assault Warren Mehrtens Max Hirsch King Ranch
1948 Citation Eddie Arcaro Ben A. Jones Calumet Farm
1973 Secretariat Ron Turcotte Lucien Laurin Meadow Stable
1977 Seattle Slew Jean Cruguet William Turner, Jr. Karen L. Taylor
1978 Affirmed Steve Cauthen Lazaro S. Barrera Harbor View Farm
2015 American Pharoah Victor Espinoza Bob Baffert Zayat Stable

Find any fun moments traveling down memory lane with this Triple Crown review? I sure did. Please share in the comments below if this touched you, or if you have another great find others will appreciate.

Good young horse training people aren’t parrots

Who would have thought Conan O’Brien could provide insight into young horse training faux pas?

Whether you’re a professional trainer or a horse owner trying to connect with your buddy through young horse training efforts, you’re not likely to reach the horse if the methods you use are based on formula approaches. Forget about the lost in translation dilemma when you try to implement step-by-step programs designed by others to accommodate their way of thinking, feeling and seeing. You’ll find even more disconnects if you assume each horse processes the guidance you provide in a similar fashion. Genetic wiring, prior experiences, personality styles and horse proclivities all play a role in designing an effective strategy to build a partnership with the horse. If you’re not keeping your horse in the conversation, you’re losing opportunities to bond on a much deeper level.

Given my prior media experience, I laughed out loud at the Conan O’Brien skit featured below. Often reality is stranger than fiction. As a former daily newspaper sports department staffer (my position involved evening hours wrapping up content for later editions as scores come in after the early versions are put to bed), I’ve witnessed how the staff responsible for culling late night wire service stories operate. This is usually done at breakneck speed as each deadline looms. Stories are culled from national and international feeds. Since the primary role of this department is to select stories provided by others, edit content for space constraints and craft headlines to fit the newspaper column width (which is why you sometimes see some very odd decisions here), errors often get carried across the nation (or globe). Proofing copy and verifying accuracy isn’t usually part of the job description. The distance your newspaper must travel to get to you can dictate how old the news is you read. And you thought everyone received the same paper, didn’t you?

As a former radio program producer and host, I’ve also watched local radio station ‘news anchors’ grab their stories from the local paper headlines, or more often, when laziness strikes, mimic the news relayed by broadcast market competitors who provide news segments earlier in the morning. It reminded me of how some see horse training. Conan’s lampoon isn’t so much a reach as it is a reflection of reporting reality.

 

 

 

How does news reporting relate to young horse training?

Of course, there are two facets to the dilemma associated with this comic illustration as it pertains to reaching your horse. One is the fact that every horse processes information a little bit differently. Perhaps more importantly, if you keep doing the same thing without getting the desired response from your horse, maybe it’s time to change your message. As Albert Einstein quipped ““Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

The next time you blame your young horse for misbehaving during your training, consider what you may be doing to cause misunderstandings. Parroting what someone else designs (or copies) is rarely a good way to connect with your particular equine. If you’re seeking a professional to work with your horse in areas where your expertise is lacking, ask if you can spend some time watching him work with a variety of horses. If you see him putting every student through the exact same regimen, question his talent at reading horses. The best trainers customize their approach to build a responsive rapport with every horse.

If you find yourself challenged with a young horse training issue or even one involving a more seasoned mount, feel free to shoot me an e-mail (or leave a response in the comments below) and I’ll try to help. We also offer e-booklets,  e-coaching, horse issue assessments (at your home for one you own or input on a horse you’re considering for purchase or adoption) and starting under saddle and/or reprogramming services for horses that have issues. 

Horse wishes for the holidays

  1. My two front teeth back
  2. Horses that view shelter as their pristine palace and don’t hold it in then deposit with pride the moment they enter their stall or shed
  3. A sawdust pitchfork that doesn’t break on the first stall a horse care farm hand tackles (the same one that held a year prior to ‘his touch’)
  4. Time for mud to dry and be leveled before the next deep freeze
  5. Snow drifts that are satisfied with a height below chest level
  6. A winter without 30-40 mph hour gusts and 20 mph sustained winds sweeping across the pastures
  7. Fence posts that don’t wait until the ground is frozen solid to crack in two
  8. Ice-free ground for routes to pastures, barns and training areas (please repel ice from training areas as well)
  9. Hydrants that don’t crap out the moment it’s too difficult to dig through the ground for a fix
  10. A young horse training trick to teach Leah that has her cleaning out her hoof before she crashes it through the water trough
  11. Gloves you can work and ride in that actually keep your hands warm
  12. Boots that repel water and snow moisture that don’t have your feet numb after ten minutes of standing
  13. The secret to keeping warm while holding horses for the farrier
  14. Sunny days that don’t turn snow to ice
  15. A tractor that starts when it’s cold and needed to lend a hand
  16. Double-ended snaps that don’t require bare-hand warmth to function as designed
  17. Uninterrupted electricity throughout the winter to power the well
  18. More training clients who are happy to include the horse in the conversation when it comes to activities and results
  19. No more than 100 inches of snow
  20. Hoses that don’t freeze
  21. Furry coats that repel rather than absorb dirt
  22. An early, temperate and long spring

Of course, this is a greedy list for one, but bet I there are more than twenty-one people who are wishing for the same as winter attacks (sans the Leah request, of course). How about we each ask for one and suggest Santa share the gifts with all? What do you all think? Have more to add? It shouldn’t be hard to find additional supporters to spread the spirit if you want to add to the list. Yep, this is a bit of horse humor, but imagine the answers may be among readers of his blog.Please offer your deepest desire in the comments below as it relates to horses and we’ll see if we can’t build some Santa support (and will probably get some good advice from the readers with ideas to help make our wishes come true).

Many of you have been asking for this (particularly overseas, although we do have distributors in the UK and EU), and I’ve been remiss in not announcing this earlier – sorry. The Turning Challenging Horses Into Willing Partners book is available as a Kindle edition for $9.95. It’s a great Christmas gift for the horse lover in your life if you’re a last-minute shopper.

Horses (and the dumb things people do with them) will make you laugh

If you’re not chuckling about dumb things you’ve done with horses or humorous equine behavior, you’re taking life too seriously. The cast of characters at Halcyon Acres is good for laughs every day. Fortunately, some of the ugly mistakes we make in learning turn to humorous memories over time too.

Horse herd antics will have you shaking your head

There’s always something going on at the farm that serves to straighten out my wrong thinking when it comes to horse sense.

Leah the ice queen

There’s a yearling Irish Draught Sport Horse at Halcyon Acres that I noticed is the main event at the water trough. In the early mornings on particularly cold nights, the herd gathers waiting for her before I appear.  Upon her arrival, the gang parts for her to approach the 100-gallon tub. She’ll lift a front leg over the edge and send it crashing down onto the frozen top layer of water, making easy access for everyone else to quench their thirst. It’s funny how all the older horses wait for this clever young filly to fix their dilemma.

Shelter from onlookers

Recently, we added a number of run-in sheds to the pastures at Halcyon Acres. With a quick and brutal onset to winter and ten of the farm horses relegated to outdoor living, we were feeling guilty about some of the herd being denied access by a couple of bossy mares. Of course, a week after we pulled out the credit card for the building order, the herd decided it was too cold to put up with the posturing and kicked the aggressors out of the gang (and the provided shelter).  It seemed the majority, too, felt the harshness of winter and decided to do something smart about it.

Between the time the sheds were ordered and the buildings arrived, the herd found a spot in the pasture that provided great shelter from the wind and decent protection from driving rain and snow. That’s where they tend to hang when they’re not devouring massive amounts of hay. There have been a couple of mornings when the wind is fierce and the temperatures low that all horses are enjoying the comfort inside the run-ins. Most days, though, a number of herd members have decided these new additions to their living quarters are an ideal lavatory. I’m getting ready to hang signs to re-label all the run-ins ‘outhouses.’

Horses and kids can be a scary combination

A few weeks after I started in a lesson program (I was five), the instructor decided I no longer needed the security and safety of Sam, their former circus performer. Sam was a gem. He focused entirely on the instructor, knew voice commands and was as kind as they come. Pure white and talented, this critter could carry the most ill-equipped rider (in fact, I lost him as my promised first show mount to a handicapped child who won the class) and make it look like they were calling the shots. I placed second on Popsey that day, but hated her from the start. Soon after she replaced Sam as my lesson mount, she unloaded me (I don’t recall how, but it probably didn’t take much). I was hopping mad about my first dump and went running after her to catch her and remount. That day I learned that horses kick. For weeks, I had a hoof imprint on my cheek, shoe nails discernable. At the time, I wasn’t very happy about the experience, but laugh now and feel gratified for learning a hard lesson so early, relatively unscathed, that I will never forget. Somehow, I imagine the instructor was probably shouting to discourage me from my actions, but imagine I was too hot to hear him.

The things we kids did with our ponies could comprise a book of potential disaster stories and make the Thelwell scenarios seem tame (remember these? http://www.google.com/images?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&hl=en&q=thelwell&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=3V0wTcmsPMnZgQfDmrjCCw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CCYQsAQwAA&biw=1600&bih=707). Fortunately, we all survived. Often, I’m saddened that kids are so sheltered and protected today that they can’t learn from bonding with their horse unfettered. Frankly, it’s amazing we didn’t spend months in the hospital (or jailed), but the dumb things we did taught us valuable life lessons and created a sacred trust with our mounts that can’t be fully understood through words. When there’s no fear, there’s lesser risk. It’s amazing how horses do so much to protect those who don’t take care of themselves. Do you have stories to share of how your horse took care of you? Please do in the comments below.

Adults should know better

I follow a number of horse related Google alerts, and rarely do much more than scan. But Ben Muessig caught my eye with his clever lead-in to an article about a couple of drunken cowboys riding through Austin, TX streets.

“You can lead a horseback-riding cowboy to a watering hole, but you can’t make him drink responsibly. Police in Austin, Texas, arrested two men on charges of drunken driving after they allegedly blocked traffic on East Sixth Street while riding a horse and a mule.”  His lead-in is funnier than the event, but if you want to get the full story, it’s here <http://www.aolnews.com/2011/01/13/austin-police-drunk-cowboys-arrested-on-horse-and-donkey/>

Grand Prix Jumping

It’s hard not to be awestruck by the athleticism of horses competing on the Grand Prix circuit. This is a fun video that shows a group of guys hamming it up to clear the height without the benefit of a horse beneath them.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbo3yr_horseman-a-dresden-homme-cheval-bab_shortfilms#from=embed

To get a little personal for a moment, I did track and field in high school and know the challenges hurdles and high jumps can present. To watch these guys not only handle the strides between artfully, but also clear the height (almost flawlessly) with a forward leap vs. the popular flop we see today that involves a twist at the end of the run that shows your back to the bar for the jump is jaw-dropping. This kind of human training, conditioning and performance makes one wonder how great our horses could be with the right start in early years.

We’ll see if we did it right as our four-year-old Irish Draught Sport Horse filly heads down to Kentucky next year to begin her jumping training and career. She showed the talent and attitude well before she was weaned.  We strived to direct her intensity and winning spirit rather than conquer it and this seems to be working. She was ready when we briefly started her under saddle (late in her three-year-old year), to enjoy the idea of a collaborative approach to training. In fact, she was begging for a job. This year, we’re planning on spending a good deal of time on the trails and the hills and maybe even take her to a few dressage shows to keep her interested and engaged (even as a yearling, she knew how to turn it on when the judge was watching). She’s a character and has certainly presented challenges with her smarts, athleticism and strong alpha tendencies, but she’s morphed into an eager learner that’s curious and kind about riding requests that are fair and consider her input. Remember the name Seamus’ Halcyon Clover. You never know.

Special thanks go out to Marya H. Zubaty at Stable Woman Gazette for spotlighting this video yesterday. It’s so much fun and irresistible, it seemed only right to share.

And if some kind soul can help me figure out how to embed this video into the blog so it shows up as a video image and click through by the end of the day tomorrow, I’d be happy to send you a free hot-off-the presses copy of “Turning Challenging Horses Into Willing Partners.”

What can Arlo Guthrie teach us about horsemanship?

Friday’s Opinion

Driving through Massachusetts yesterday morning on my way to Thanksgiving with family in Connecticut, I started flipping through radio stations (any of you who have driven the Mass Pike from points west know how quickly signals fade on the dial through the Berkshires and beyond).

I tuned in half way through a song I hadn’t heard in a long time. Alice’s Restaurant grabbed my attention and put a smile on my face. I was amazed as this station faded to find another with Arlo Guthrie’s voice ringing through again, but it sounded at bit different and some of the words didn’t seem quite right. Apparently, the first recording of this song was made live in 1967 in town in Massachusetts (according to what I heard as I continued to try to find audible station).. I suppose it makes sense since Stockbridge is a feature, but it just never occurred to me before.

From what I could gather, he returned in 1997 and made some live updates to add to the mix. It was hysterical. Find it if you can, but in case you can’t, here’s the short version: he rambled after the draft scene about how music can change a nation (admitting, of course, that he wouldn’t have believed it either); went on to retell of his invitation to the Carter inauguration, a tap on the shoulder from Billy about his album being in Nixon’s library and his associated query as to whether it had been opened; an explanation to the whet behind the ears crowd as to who Nixon was along with his penchant for taping things – and the fact that it wasn’t the taping that caused Nixon’s trouble, but the erasing (eighteen minutes and twenty seconds worth, according to Arlo). Of course, he’s much more clever in his presentation than I could ever be, but somewhere in the mix he indicates the song in the first album release of Alice’s Restaurant was about eighteen minutes and twenty seconds and goes on to explain how he thinks music could have changed the course of history. I was laughing out loud listening to this update and hope it’s something that is still out there (if any of have a pointer to where this version can be found/identified/bought, please leave a comment in response to the blog post to help readers share your glee).

So, how does this relate to horsemanship? Alice’s Restaurant is a classic and an inventive creation that seemed impossible to improve upon. Sequels to great ideas usually pale in comparison to the original as trying to improve on what was done right the first time often dilutes the message of the premiere version and undermines the impact. Today, we’re seeing a lot of interpretations of horsemanship, bastardizing of classical precepts, individuals using old-school monikers to foster their approach or product of the moment and a lot of confusion in the marketplace (particularly among novices, but a good number of professionals to boot) about what constitutes true horsemanship.

What if what we could take what’s great about the old and get creative in improving on horsemanship principles to make a richer version with incorporated contemporary knowledge? So much of the horse world seems to be about defending turf, standing ground, attacking so-called wrong thinking/actions/positions/practices, introducing outlandish and marketing-centered material/products in an attempt to create a movement (maybe Arlo unwittingly contributed to this one J), posturing and politics. Consider how much richer your equine experience could be if you were open to new ideas that built on the teachings of the classic masters.

Jim Rohn asserts “No one voice has all the answers.” He’s right, and has backed up this philosophy with his achievements, while passing on this wisdom to a good number of mentees (including Tony Robinson). He also recommends people “Be a student, not a follower.” Rohn advises all interested in excelling in their respective endeavours to “learn, try, evaluate, refine and pass it on.” Of course, Rohn also underscores the importance of achieving “measurable progress in reasonable time.” These are great ideas to implement in the quest for greater horsemanship understanding.

In the US, we’re celebrating Thanksgiving this week. How much could your horsemanship knowledge improve (and the associated knowledge and appreciation that comes from this introspection) if you spent some time reflecting on classical teachings, considering some new principles with an open mind for tiny gems of applicable wisdom, trying it out, seeing if it works for you, amending the approach and passing on your experience and associated results to others?

Rohn’s conviction that discipline, attitude and personal philosophy are critical for achievement, ring true in the horse world too. Guthrie’s a lot more light-hearted in how he demonstrates his craft, but his artful approach to enhancing the old with creative, inventive and observant reactions to contemporary information demonstrates how much fun being a little outlandish in making connections can be.

Any passion we pursue as a career requires a bit of art in the mix to make our efforts pay off. This applies to the hobbyist too. We all draw creative fodder from those who have trod the path before us.

“You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant . . .” and so, too, should be able do the same with equine objectives, provided you’re willing to “stand on the shoulders of giants” and take it all in with a grain of salt. Just because you don’t agree with most of what someone says, are dedicated to an old-style approach as right, have tons of experience, feel you’ve found a guru that knows it all, have been frustrated with approaches that don’t work, are celebrated in your niche, feel passionate about an approach, or are simply totally confused by all the information that’s out there, doesn’t mean you can’t learn something from all the equine enthusiasts and professionals you encounter. Try it all and see what sticks.

Do yourself a favor, though, and learn to think with your own mind to choose what works for you vs. being led blindly by others. Let your creative juices flow and you may find you discover something that’s better than what has been presented as gospel in the past. Real horsemen never stop learning. How much fun could you have tomorrow incorporating ideas from other industries into your equine solution idea mix and finding laughter and associated conclusions that lead others to stop, listen and think when you share what you’ve discovered?

“He looked at the twenty-seven 8 X 10 glossy photos with circles and arrows . . . and back at the seeing eye dog . . . blind justice . . .”

Nanette Levin

Top Ten signs your horse has driven you to madness

10. You spend more on your horse than you do on your kids

9. Mud and manure on your clothing are considered, in your mind, a cute accessory

8. You love to cuddle with your horse and resent all the clean up time required for your spouse

7. Your instructor, your family and your dogs are afraid of your horse, but you continue to defend him as you’re brushing dirt off your backside, treating bite and kick wounds and focusing on tomorrow’s plan to “reach” him

6. Dates for your wedding are selected by choosing months that present the least favorable riding conditions

5. Finding and buying quality hay takes more time and money than what you choose to eat and what you spend on yourself for the year

4. You collaborate with your horse and bite and kick at your peers

3. Time is always scheduled for horse care, but seldom available for vacations or social time

2. You’re too exhausted at the end of the day to carry on a conversation, but can still summon the energy to ride

And the number sign your horse has driven you to madness:

1. He watches you chuckling as you jump the course, do the tricks, demonstrate the lesson and perform for his education as he’s entertained by your compliance.

Horse Seller’s Terms – a translation list to make you laugh out loud

This is procured. I don’t have a way to attribute the work (wish I did as I’d like to converse with the author and so want to give credit where due as this is just laugh out loud funny in it’s read on the not-so-far-from the truth). It’s like so many things that circulate around the web these days that go viral and lose the source information in transit. It’s sad. I won’t get into a copyright lecture here, but people really should be recognized when others circulate their work. Just think about how many times you’ve seen something that is so compelling, you want to connect with the author and, yet, have no way of figuring out who that may be. Everyone loses. Regardless, this is just too much fun not to share.

And now, if you want to be able to translate equine advertisements with ease, here’s the real tongue-in-cheek story:

SELLER’S TERMS:
o Nicely Started: We can lunge him, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet
o Recently Vetted: Someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
o Jumping Courses: When tranquilized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight beforehand
o Well Mannered: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
o Professionally Trained: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a month
o Needs Experienced Rider: Dangerous
o Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him
o Already Broke: Two fences, one arm, six buckets
o Unregistered: Probably stolen
o Started: We quit while we were still alive
o Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains
o Event Prospect: Big, fast horse
o Dressage Prospect: Big, slow horse
o Sporting Prospect: Short, fast horse
o Endurance Prospect: Has bolted for miles
o Hack Prospect: Pretty colour
o Show jumping prospect: Impossible to keep in a paddock
o All Rounder: Average in every discipline
o Flashy: White socks
o Attractive: Bay
o 15.2hh: 14.3hh
o 16.2hh: 15.3hh
o To Loving Home Only: Expensive
o To Show Home Only: Very expensive
o Elegant: Thin
o Showing condition: Fat
o Bold: No brakes
o Athletic: No brakes but good-looking
o Exceptional movement: Cat leaps
o Forward going: Bolts
o Spirited: Psychotic
o Quiet: Lame in both front legs
o Dead Quiet: Lame in all four legs
o Bombproof: Lame all round, deaf and blind
o Pony Type: Small and hairy
o Arab Type: Looks startled
o TB Type: Looks terrified
o Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
o Warmblood Type: Big and hairy
o Draught Type: Big and exceedingly hairy
o For sale due to lack of time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

If anyone knows who may have created this hilarious missive, please do share – preferably in the comments section of this blog so all can know who deserves the credit. Even better, maybe the author will raise a hand so we can meet and him or her and enjoy more artful humor appropriately attributed.

Funny Horses

Do you have a horse that makes you laugh? Please let us know by e-mailing (to NLevin at HorseSenseAndCents dot com) or through the comment section of this blog. We may feature you in a future blog post.

This week’s chuckle comes from one of the youngest members of our herd. Our four-month-old Irish Draught Sport Horse filly has been an imp from the start. She’s clever, but generally very cooperative after she makes it clear she is choosing to comply, and not obliged to do so. For the past month or so, she’s delighted in leading her younger (by two weeks) and dumber colt buddy into a small wood-fenced paddock or other areas he can get lost in, then ditching him. He idolizes her and is more concerned about being separated from this brazen filly than he is when his mother is out of sight. She’ll draw him out to a far corner of a paddock on the way to her known destination and then books for the gate and a return to the moms heading to the big digs. Interestingly, she’s a lot faster than her purebred Thoroughbred dupe, who’s also a little on the slow side where brains are concerned. She then delights in seeing him scream and gallop at the fence line adjacent to the large turnout area, unable to find the exit from the area (for the 30th time).

She lost her freedom privileges this past week (she’s been halter and lead trained for months, but we’re lazy and time starved) when she got the entire herd going. She decided it was much more fun to run the 26-acre perimeter of the grazing pastures to incite the various groups divided among the fields, than merely tricking and confusing her best friend. Of course, her mom, who is used to dropping independent and precocious foals, was the least concerned of the group (besides the filly in question, of course). Mom’s sharp, kind and helpful, though, so when called to the gate to help collect her foal, she kindly complied. Once mom got into the mix (she’s our alpha mare) the kid knew the jig was over – or else.

Do you have an equine comedian in your life? Why not share your story?