Horse Seller’s Terms – a translation list to make you laugh out loud

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This is procured. I don’t have a way to attribute the work (wish I did as I’d like to converse with the author and so want to give credit where due as this is just laugh out loud funny in it’s read on the not-so-far-from the truth). It’s like so many things that circulate around the web these days that go viral and lose the source information in transit. It’s sad. I won’t get into a copyright lecture here, but people really should be recognized when others circulate their work. Just think about how many times you’ve seen something that is so compelling, you want to connect with the author and, yet, have no way of figuring out who that may be. Everyone loses. Regardless, this is just too much fun not to share.

And now, if you want to be able to translate equine advertisements with ease, here’s the real tongue-in-cheek story:

SELLER’S TERMS:
o Nicely Started: We can lunge him, but we don’t have enough insurance to ride him yet
o Recently Vetted: Someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
o Jumping Courses: When tranquilized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight beforehand
o Well Mannered: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
o Professionally Trained: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a month
o Needs Experienced Rider: Dangerous
o Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him
o Already Broke: Two fences, one arm, six buckets
o Unregistered: Probably stolen
o Started: We quit while we were still alive
o Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains
o Event Prospect: Big, fast horse
o Dressage Prospect: Big, slow horse
o Sporting Prospect: Short, fast horse
o Endurance Prospect: Has bolted for miles
o Hack Prospect: Pretty colour
o Show jumping prospect: Impossible to keep in a paddock
o All Rounder: Average in every discipline
o Flashy: White socks
o Attractive: Bay
o 15.2hh: 14.3hh
o 16.2hh: 15.3hh
o To Loving Home Only: Expensive
o To Show Home Only: Very expensive
o Elegant: Thin
o Showing condition: Fat
o Bold: No brakes
o Athletic: No brakes but good-looking
o Exceptional movement: Cat leaps
o Forward going: Bolts
o Spirited: Psychotic
o Quiet: Lame in both front legs
o Dead Quiet: Lame in all four legs
o Bombproof: Lame all round, deaf and blind
o Pony Type: Small and hairy
o Arab Type: Looks startled
o TB Type: Looks terrified
o Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
o Warmblood Type: Big and hairy
o Draught Type: Big and exceedingly hairy
o For sale due to lack of time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

If anyone knows who may have created this hilarious missive, please do share – preferably in the comments section of this blog so all can know who deserves the credit. Even better, maybe the author will raise a hand so we can meet and him or her and enjoy more artful humor appropriately attributed.

Nanette Levin


Nanette Levin is a writer, author and equestrian specializing in young horse training and horses with issues. Look for Horse Sense & Cents titles on Amazon, Audible and other major online retailers.

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