It’s pretty easy for me to deduce where someone’s horse issues likely occur by talking to them on the phone, monitoring their social media broadcasts or by observing their style on a listserv (or several). Whether people recognize it or not, the way they choose to handle human communications is very telling about their attitude with horses.

Can you see through the eyes of your horse?

Are you defensive without cause?

This week, I received a caustic e-mail in response to a gentle request to confirm a horse connection on an equine Linked In group I help moderate (Horse Lovers of the Business World). The charter of HLBW involves a strict policy of no advertisements on the main discussion board. This culture was set from the beginning by David Hasbury (the list founder) and the conversation, camaraderie and support that’s encouraged has drawn thousands of members. Consequently, participants really get their hackles up when even soft spam hits the list. So, five moderators now spend a lot of time ensuring members that are approved have an interest in horses and understand that commercial posts do not belong on the main discussion board. For those who want to advertise, we’ve created a subgroup (that has only attracted a very small percentage of the total group population – few come here to endure a sales pitches).

Anyway, the retort basically involved a defensive ‘if you don’t want to let me play in your sandbox there are lots of kids who want me in theirs’ grumble and a huff you could hear through cyberspace. She was approved and then immediately posted to a thread with an exclamation that she’s on Linked In to promote her business. Sadly, she didn’t get that a two-by-four approach on this list isn’t going to create any friends.

Would you want to be her horse?

Do you know how to truly listen?

Social media is a great way to test your listening savvy – a critical skill to develop of you want to truly connect with horses. If you’ve decided you’re going to ram personal objectives down the throats of others without regard to their preferred communications style or the culture and personality of a particular group, good luck with that one. The same holds true with horses. Horses are like forums, blogs, membership sites and social media platforms in a lot of ways – if you don’t show an interest by taking the necessary time to understand and accommodate the particular needs of a community (or an individual equine), they’re going to tune you out. Or, worse yet, come after you.

Are you a humble, yet confident leader?

Horses respond when they have a confident leader that is ready to guide but humble enough to listen and learn. Jim Collins talks about Level Five Leaders in his book, Good to Great. He describes the traits of CEOs in ways that could be easily applied to the most insightful horsemen that have emerged through the centuries. Granted, this pertains to businesses, but there’s a lot people could learn about horse training in the pages that dissect the attributes of an effective corporate leader. None of the CEOs called out let ego or personal agendas get in the way of company success. Nor did they go in with a game plan. If you want to develop a horse to be the best he can be, learn to adopt your style, approach and responses to his input and proclivities.

Horse communication breakdowns aren’t hard to figure out

How can you tell by listening to someone where their horse talk breakdowns are likely to occur? It all comes back to perspective and attitude. Those who are all about making people conform to their ideals usually have challenges getting their horse to enjoy training. The meek or vacillating lack the credibility to guide a horse with the confident persona an equine seeks in a leader. The result is a confused horse that doesn’t trust his handler. Those who know it all lack an ability to hear the horse and tend to have major standoffs or blow ups with horses who are assertive enough to object to a dictatorial approach that doesn’t consider the signals the equine is sending. Provoked enough, these horses will hurt their rider/handler, but sadly, the blame is usually put on the horse. People convinced that a good strategy or pat formula deserves compliance, run into trouble when a horse doesn’t understand or like the regimen. The horses they fail to engage generally get volatile or shut down. Horse huggers who set no direction or limits for the horse wind up with equines that abuse their humans and lose out on the opportunity for a fulfilling job.

Horses like to be heard

Where would you rank with the herd?

Just like people, horses like to be heard. It’s funny how the perceived anonymity of online communications (without the benefit of a face-to-face) can bring out the worst in some people. It’s not a huge leap to conclude that what these folks do privately with their horses is more closely aligned with how they behave in social media gatherings than what they put out there as equine ideals.

Horses, like people, are on the ready to help you learn if you’re open to receiving their input. Think about how you behave when someone questions you. Do you have the same knee-jerk response with your horse? Is that helping or hurting your relationship? Nobody’s perfect (I’m certainly not), but if you really want to reach that partnership nirvana with a horse, listening is the key to understanding. Horses want to be heard. Acknowledge their input (and there’s nothing wrong with a ‘no’ answer, provided you’re responding to the question posed), and you’ll discover a new level of connection with your horse that is beyond imagination. It’s so exciting to be part of a human/equine team with a horse that will do anything for you. You might be surprised how much your horse will give back when you provide a mere nod to his concerns. Try it.

Please share your stories of uncanny horse connections you’ve experienced in the comments below, voice lessons learned, or, if you’d prefer, feel free to call me crazy J.

There’s been a recent barrage of messages lately through blogs, online forums, DVDs and other platforms that lambaste those who use tactics that ignore the horse’s needs. Of course, most of these directives are worded in a techie fashion that excludes the neediest novices from the conversation. It’s also interesting that some of the more vocal horse advocates are rude to the people who chime in with limited understanding and questions in an effort to learn. It kind of makes you wonder how they really handle a confused or green horse when no one is looking (and sometimes, even when they have an audience). When it comes to horses, though, anyone who professes a single right answer to a challenge may benefit from some basic observation and the associated horse sense it generates – provided they’re open to learning.

What’s a horse novice to do?

That’s the beauty of the uninitiated equine enthusiast – and the danger. They’re sponges for knowledge and easily influenced by messages that seem to offer easy answers, but may be designed with a profit motive in mind that doesn’t serve either the horse or handler. It’s sad that some who may have the knowledge and the willingness to share what they’ve learned over decades of kind approaches to horse interaction make their words so esoteric, the most eager learners flee feeling too ignorant to grasp the ideas being offered or fearful of being judged  if they join the conversation. Those who really want to help the horse should consider how their buzz words and platforms designed to impress their peers alienate those they claim to want to help.

Let horses teach you

Horses are great at communicating – if you know how to listen. It’s hard for anyone who hasn’t had a good deal of experience with a variety of horses to be able to read what a horse is trying to tell you. Often, it’s equally hard for someone who’s learned to reach horses in a subliminal fashion to express to others how they do it. Sometimes, it seems those who hide behind words and concepts too abstract for the most basic learners to understand do so intentionally to hide their failings.

Draw from the experience of those willing to speak your language

So, how can the novice begin to learn how to structure a plan to consider the horse? Spend time watching your horse and seeing how he reacts to what you do. Mix it up and carefully observe what he responds to with eager enthusiasm. Try to find people you trust who speak to you in terms that are clear with an approach that is flexible and responsive to your horse’s learning and performance preferences. Seek out those who are able to express ideas in simple terms, and willing to demonstrate, graphically, how certain actions influence the horse’s behavior. Ask people who are getting good results and building great relationships with their horses how they did it – and see if you can observe them in action. Use your head on what seems right and fair and where tactics designed to create a compliant horse may not make a happy horse.

The truly successful are humble

Some of the most successful human leaders in the world are humble, accessible and able to speak to anyone of any status or education as a respected and appreciated peer in a language that is easy for them to process and implement. The same holds true for those working with horses in a stand-out fashion. Those who use communications to dominate, impress, posture, separate and/or put others in a place below their status are suspect – both when it comes to human and horse communications. Learning should be fun for all involved and those who can make it easy for both the horse and human to understand, implement and embrace are special.  Sometimes they lurk in the most unexpected places. Finding someone with truly selfless motives where both you and your horse are concerned (and some of these people may charge for their knowledge – but it’s clear early on that it’s not about profit, but satisfaction in improving the experience for both you and your horse) is a joy. If you haven’t discovered such a resource yet, keep looking. They’re out there.

I imagine if my horses could manage a keyboard and were connected to the Internet, they’d have a lot to say about how dumb some people are when it comes to communications. In the herd, horses learn who to embrace and who to avoid and they follow the one who is courageous, caring, kind and fair in how they treat others.

Horses follow caring leaders

Relationship building is a purported hallmark the Web 2.0 movement and smart small business owners (most who got this long before the internet came to be) are incorporating the tools and technology afforded by this claimed new marketing think to bolster their businesses. The savvy ones are listening the herd of customers and prospects they’ve already lead with understanding and responsive solutions to concerns by selecting what works based on feedback from their trusting and supportive clan. They’re not wasting energy on what doesn’t work given welcome and forthcoming feedback from a respectful fan base. Of course, this has tremendous applications for equine professionals (and their approach to online communications is probably more telling than they would like on how they handle their human and horse students).

Ever feel like some people who are celebrating Web 2.0 as their sandbox and turf come at you with teeth bared and heels flying with their unrelenting “embrace me and my offerings” barrage of messages and never consider what might be comfortable for you? They may get an initial sale, but early buyers tend to lament their decision and warn others of the danger.

Do you sell, or get buy-in?

Usually there’s another mare in the herd who commands respect through fear (or in human terms, selfishness). She gets her pick of the hay pile, is first out of the gate and chases others away from water until she has her fill, but no one will follow her. They avoid her. Some commanding the Web 2.0 moniker as their platform for selling, using it a justified excuse to be in-your-face, fail to recognize their methods results in retreat. Sure, they might get a few early followers, but ultimately, the herd sways the lemmings away from the cliff.

Human or horse – herds tend to behave the same

I learned a lot about horses (and humans) when I fenced in 26 acres last year. Initially, I divided the herds for compatibility, but as time passed, horses were sold, and winter bore down, I culled out the broodmares (a requisite to weaning foals), and combined the rest. An interesting thing happened. I was most concerned about a client’s horse that had shown extreme aggressive behavior with the boys. I was worried about him hurting the babies with his dominant tendencies. He tried, and was immediately lambasted by a three-year-old filly (who’s the leader of the herd now) and banished for his actions. He is not permitted to eat with any of the other horses anymore and must wait until all others are settled with their feed before he gets his.

We do have another mare in the herd. She’s hostile, bossy and avoided. She gives her message in an obnoxious way and gets what she thinks she wants – but isn’t respected, just avoided.

So, how does this apply to social media (and combating some of the economic challenges the small business and horse industry is facing right now)?  If you’re there for others and show you care, they’ll follow you. Those who feel they can bully buyers with manipulative and self-centered approaches may get their way at first, but won’t likely gain a following.

Think about how you operate with people who are just getting to know you over the seemingly impersonal venue of the internet. Are you putting yourself out there as a leader willing to be on the line to help others gain security and traction, or are you operating with a selfish approach to making your needs heard without regard to how others may feel?

Get real

Horse or human, it’s not rocket science, but does seem to be an elusive insight for some. The buzz around the new Web 2.0 is no different than what successful small business owners have always known about being smart in building relationships and gaining traction with centers-of-influence. Give and you get exponentially. Do nothing but take, or defend your turf, and your gains will be fleeting.  Do you want to be avoided or embraced? It’s your choice, but don’t blame the herd if they choose to dismiss you.